Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
hanging by a moment
i've been so busy that i can't make up my mind on what to post for a couple of weeks now.
photography. music. academic tutorial. friends. more friends. family. jo1.
sometimes when i wake up early in the morning, with an awful pain, i feel i already have it all.
thankful. seeking forgiveness. closing my eyes. then i will not expect for more when i get back to sleep... but when the right hour to be ready to face world (office, gmiks) has come, i still can open my mind, my eyes, my body, and soul. what should i do? i've been given another day! work hard, play hard, and rock harder! =)
"There's nothing else to lose. There's nothing else to find. There's nothing in the world, That can change my mind. There is nothing else. There is nothing else. There is nothing else." - lifehouse
photography. music. academic tutorial. friends. more friends. family. jo1.
sometimes when i wake up early in the morning, with an awful pain, i feel i already have it all.
thankful. seeking forgiveness. closing my eyes. then i will not expect for more when i get back to sleep... but when the right hour to be ready to face world (office, gmiks) has come, i still can open my mind, my eyes, my body, and soul. what should i do? i've been given another day! work hard, play hard, and rock harder! =)
"There's nothing else to lose. There's nothing else to find. There's nothing in the world, That can change my mind. There is nothing else. There is nothing else. There is nothing else." - lifehouse
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
turning point
...just like driving a fast car, and you have to decide in split seconds if you'll have to take the right turn because that's the safest and cleanest; even if the way in front of you will give you fame if you finish the race because of kamikaze attempt.
i have nothing to prove now in my career. i feel i have already earned the respect, in terms of how i work, that i should have from the management of all the companies i worked for, colleagues, and even clients. now, i have to do a quick change. though, it is not my type to be just a mere spectator inside the organization i'm into (i'm always aiming for my best), i have to change to have a better life. let them do their piece.
if i'm off, i'm off. no exceptions. work is 8 hours a day, so i'll give them 'true' 8 hours a day amount of work. then, i'll use up all my leaves.
i'll be spending more time with my wife, relatives, friends, hobbies, and specially to Him.
this is my life... and now is my turning point
i have nothing to prove now in my career. i feel i have already earned the respect, in terms of how i work, that i should have from the management of all the companies i worked for, colleagues, and even clients. now, i have to do a quick change. though, it is not my type to be just a mere spectator inside the organization i'm into (i'm always aiming for my best), i have to change to have a better life. let them do their piece.
if i'm off, i'm off. no exceptions. work is 8 hours a day, so i'll give them 'true' 8 hours a day amount of work. then, i'll use up all my leaves.
i'll be spending more time with my wife, relatives, friends, hobbies, and specially to Him.
this is my life... and now is my turning point
Friday, July 4, 2008
be with me
it seems that i had a long day last wednesday. after office, i went to my doctor to discuss about the latest ctscan result. there is no change between the results of the ctscan before and after the initial 4 chemo sessions i took for the past 2 months. the doctor was good enough to advise us to think many times on the gamble we will be having if we continue my chemo. a next chemo session will cost at least 150% of a chemo session i already took. he also told us that pancreatic ca treatment with chemo is still not curative, but 'hoping' for prolonging the life of a patient depending on the body response. so we have agreed that i will consult him again after a month or two, with my decision. jo1 has teary eyes during the check-up and i always butt-in a joke 'why are you crying' while her friend, who was also there, just look at us and smile.
after the check-up, me, jo1, and her friend ate our dinner and still discussed my case. we prayed and also discussed how to live with God. then we went home.
jo1 and i agreed that i'll be having alternative treatment. i already have in mind about dr. tam mateo.
thursday... i had a day-off from office. recomposed myself. i continue my research on the internet about alternative treatments. in western countries, there are a lot of protocols they are using as alternative treatments, but for months i can't find one of them which is available here. then finally, i saw dr. manuel navarro's name. he already passed away, but his son dr. efren navarro continue giving alternative treatment to cancer patients. i called on the clinic and have been advised to give urine sample by friday and have the consultation on saturday.
friday(today)... i still have something in my mind which asks 'is it for real'? i collected my urine sample and went to the clinic. the clinic is inside a village. at the front of the house, i can't see anything inside. it is a huge house though, just looking at the length of the wall, gate, and the roof. upon entering, i saw nuns seated on a porch. they were receiving medicines from the doctor's assistant and at the same time they were giving urine samples as well. then when they look at me, i smiled at them. they asked me if i am a patient also of dr. navarro and what is my case. i told them that it was my first time to be there and i told them my case. typically, they asked my age, civit status, etc. they got my number and told me that they will pray for me. i asked them what are their cases. they are cancer patients too, living at least 5 years now. they've been treated with chemo and stuff before, but after having no good result they started using alternative treatments. now, i'm really contented with what i'll be having.
friends and relatives, please stay with me in spirit... my decision is still to fight for this one... i'm not giving up yet. be with me... be still
after the check-up, me, jo1, and her friend ate our dinner and still discussed my case. we prayed and also discussed how to live with God. then we went home.
jo1 and i agreed that i'll be having alternative treatment. i already have in mind about dr. tam mateo.
thursday... i had a day-off from office. recomposed myself. i continue my research on the internet about alternative treatments. in western countries, there are a lot of protocols they are using as alternative treatments, but for months i can't find one of them which is available here. then finally, i saw dr. manuel navarro's name. he already passed away, but his son dr. efren navarro continue giving alternative treatment to cancer patients. i called on the clinic and have been advised to give urine sample by friday and have the consultation on saturday.
friday(today)... i still have something in my mind which asks 'is it for real'? i collected my urine sample and went to the clinic. the clinic is inside a village. at the front of the house, i can't see anything inside. it is a huge house though, just looking at the length of the wall, gate, and the roof. upon entering, i saw nuns seated on a porch. they were receiving medicines from the doctor's assistant and at the same time they were giving urine samples as well. then when they look at me, i smiled at them. they asked me if i am a patient also of dr. navarro and what is my case. i told them that it was my first time to be there and i told them my case. typically, they asked my age, civit status, etc. they got my number and told me that they will pray for me. i asked them what are their cases. they are cancer patients too, living at least 5 years now. they've been treated with chemo and stuff before, but after having no good result they started using alternative treatments. now, i'm really contented with what i'll be having.
friends and relatives, please stay with me in spirit... my decision is still to fight for this one... i'm not giving up yet. be with me... be still
Saturday, June 28, 2008
just a scan
i'm now preparing to go to the clinic for a ctscan.
this will be administered after 2 cycles (4 sessions) of chemo done for the past month.
many have asked, what do i feel? to tell you honestly, i'm just calm. i bet a lie detector for it or any psychologist for that reason.
am i afraid to die? nope. the reason maybe is i don't have any bad feelings to anyone right now and i have loved what i lived for; and i'm still living for it.. maybe for three years i have mastered the art of dying. when you want to let go of something you can't have or shouldn't have, you let yourself die and live for a new one: it maybe a thing or an idea.
now, my body will just be scanned for the growth of gremlins. i'll have the result maybe tomorrow or by wednesday, and then i will prepare for the next exercise.
not the time for oceans and rivers for now, be a water in a lake for me, be still...
this is just a scan
this will be administered after 2 cycles (4 sessions) of chemo done for the past month.
many have asked, what do i feel? to tell you honestly, i'm just calm. i bet a lie detector for it or any psychologist for that reason.
am i afraid to die? nope. the reason maybe is i don't have any bad feelings to anyone right now and i have loved what i lived for; and i'm still living for it.. maybe for three years i have mastered the art of dying. when you want to let go of something you can't have or shouldn't have, you let yourself die and live for a new one: it maybe a thing or an idea.
now, my body will just be scanned for the growth of gremlins. i'll have the result maybe tomorrow or by wednesday, and then i will prepare for the next exercise.
not the time for oceans and rivers for now, be a water in a lake for me, be still...
this is just a scan
Thursday, June 26, 2008
ever ready
just now, i saw the result of the blood tests needed before having my ctscan on Saturday. the result shows a good sign of my liver and kidney enzymes.
late in the afternoon today, dothy and i discussed the herbal medicines of dr. tam and that dothy has a first hand knowledge of the good effect the herbal can give thru her tita. i remembered mabelle and other classmates informing me of other medicines too. currently i'm taking another herbal given by doys and joh.
thanks for the concern, let's have this one at a time.
whatever the result of any exercise, i lift it up to Him...
with Him, i'm ever ready
late in the afternoon today, dothy and i discussed the herbal medicines of dr. tam and that dothy has a first hand knowledge of the good effect the herbal can give thru her tita. i remembered mabelle and other classmates informing me of other medicines too. currently i'm taking another herbal given by doys and joh.
thanks for the concern, let's have this one at a time.
whatever the result of any exercise, i lift it up to Him...
with Him, i'm ever ready
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