just a scan

i'm now preparing to go to the clinic for a ctscan.
this will be administered after 2 cycles (4 sessions) of chemo done for the past month.

many have asked, what do i feel? to tell you honestly, i'm just calm. i bet a lie detector for it or any psychologist for that reason.

am i afraid to die? nope. the reason maybe is i don't have any bad feelings to anyone right now and i have loved what i lived for; and i'm still living for it.. maybe for three years i have mastered the art of dying. when you want to let go of something you can't have or shouldn't have, you let yourself die and live for a new one: it maybe a thing or an idea.

now, my body will just be scanned for the growth of gremlins. i'll have the result maybe tomorrow or by wednesday, and then i will prepare for the next exercise.

not the time for oceans and rivers for now, be a water in a lake for me, be still...
this is just a scan

ever ready

just now, i saw the result of the blood tests needed before having my ctscan on Saturday. the result shows a good sign of my liver and kidney enzymes.

late in the afternoon today, dothy and i discussed the herbal medicines of dr. tam and that dothy has a first hand knowledge of the good effect the herbal can give thru her tita. i remembered mabelle and other classmates informing me of other medicines too. currently i'm taking another herbal given by doys and joh.

thanks for the concern, let's have this one at a time.
whatever the result of any exercise, i lift it up to Him...
with Him, i'm ever ready

coincidence?

finally we have disposed our sony h2...

God knows when to be there before you even think about it.
we posted the item for sale months ago and the reason was in exchange of another techy thing.

then early this day... while checking on our bills... i got a text message from someone asking if he can get the cam for a lower price. right-away i jumped from my seat and went to get the camera and had also informed jo1 about it. the reason for selling it now is different...

jo1 and i agreed after minutes of conversation. as i am about to text the buyer, i found out the av cable and usb cable are not working. we didn't use the said features for so long because we were just transferring photos and videos via a card reader. i felt uncomfortable to sell the item. i composed a text message to the buyer about the condition of the item and said a prayer before sending it. he replied and was still eager to buy the item, but asked for a small amount discount. the final price i think is still reasonable for us. so the transaction has pushed thru.

to the buyer and his girlfriend, who he said was the first one who texted me, thank you!!!

waiting

while i'm waiting... here are the things i do... work on my office tasks, play NBA live 2007, sing with my guitar, sing with GoSing app, read books, watch downloaded movies with jo1, chat/call/text with my friends, and of course rest besides Him.

waiting, waiting, waiting...

plans

what i will do next...

1. join an organization
2. teach math or computer subjects for free on my beloved high school alma matter... just like a tutorial class of some sort... (paging Gwen Distrajo) =)
3. keep in touch with my friends, and find old friends
4. touch base with my organization in college
5. have a child of my own =)

rock my world

earlier today, there was a comotion between me and the man living above our unit. though i was playing a music under a normal volume, the man heard it as though it was too loud. the problem with the room of our unit is that there is no other hole that the sound can go through except to pass through the rooms of the units above and below us. so what he did was he played an instrumental music of pure drums and guitars. i heard the music, and it was really too loud... me, as a hard headed bitch, pumped up the volume and played music of Red Hot Chilli Peppers. eventually, we lowered our volumes.

after a couple of hours, i heard a knock on my door. when i opened the door, i saw him standing there. he right away told me that he lives above our unit... he apologized for the said comotion while i also apologized. the funny thing was we ended up liking the story of each other... he told me his life and his job and i told mine... i like his story because he worked as a guitarist of some bands performing in japan and now as a sound engineer... the life he has, meeting different people, living with different type of friends, and other stuffs...

we really wanted to have more time to talk, but we have some work to do... so he said goodbye. we apologized again on each other, shook hands, and he went off...

after 5 minutes there he was again knocking at my door. he gave me a 'cancer killer juice' recipe, we shook hands again, and he said 'rock on!'

God really knows how to rock my world! =)

stranger than fiction

a good movie of 2006... check it out.

starring Will Ferrel.

claim it

i claim healing through Him.

today is my 3rd gig. rock on!

count on me

same as what i've told my friends and relatives before, just basing it on my research thru medical books and internet, i know where i'm coming from.

now, i have the tag. Dindo didn't write it on previous prescriptions, finally he has used it.

why? the check-up i had this afternoon has not been a medical thing but a social and somehow spiritual thing. i started up the conversation because i know Dindo won't be discussing life, specifically my future, if i won't start the conversation about it. somehow i may say i wanted him to be strong for me and talk to me anything. not that i'm giving up, but i just want to talk on the reality IF...

after having the tag, i right away thought...

hey, we have an infinite count... so 4 is not the last of it!

..but if ever 4 is the last one i'll have, then i hope you'll continue the counting.

God bless us all!

pork and beans

this is a good song when you don't feel good on someone who thinks you are not doing the right thing even after you have apologized and have explained your side... we're just humans.
so take care of yourself, be busy on something else, and pump-up the volume!!!


from THE RED album of WEEZER

PORK AND BEANS

They say i need some rogaine to put in my hair
Work it out at the gym to fit my underwear
Oakley makes the shades to transform a tool
You'd hate for the kids to think that you've lost your cool

Imma do the things that i wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if i make a scene
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think

everyone likes to dance to a happy song
with a catchy chorus and beat so they can sing along
timbaland knows the way to reach the top of the charts
maybe if i work with him i can perfect the art

Imma do the things that i wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if i make a scene
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think

no, i don't care
i don't care
i don't care
i don't care
i don't care
i don't care

Imma do the things that i wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if i make a scene
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think

moon rising

i like night time nowadays
it gives me the authority to silently scream what i feel
lie down beside my friends and relatives' sleepless supports
see blindly all the good memories
smell my misty future

please don't get me wrong
if sometimes i miss my sun rise, let me walk through the night coz i still have my moon rising

thanks to all of you who touched my soul specially now when i needed it most. let HIM bless you all the way. we still have to do the best acts of our lives

let it pass

sorry for this post because i'm not in a good mood as of this time.

when you broke a wheel while riding a bicycle and a gorgeous lady saw you fall, fix the wheel and let the moment pass...
when you are the only examinee who flunk the final exam, retake the subject on the next semester and let the moment pass...
when you helped someone with good intentions and it turned out to be a red tape, think that sometimes it just happen and let the moment pass...
when you get angry because you thought he/she is the least person you know who can do that thing to you, think of the many who make you feel good and let the moment pass...
when you stayed on the bowl for about an hour and still can't poopie, give some more time and let the moment pass...

when you are down, look up to Him and let it pass...

old friends

a picture of us, elementary friends, taken early this day... neil, brenda, (me), theya, sheila, cathy

good riddance

"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)" - Greenday

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

da boy left me on our fight

amen. thy will be done

falling leaf

sometimes we have to let a leaf detach from a tree, to let it nurture the soil where we stand.
just remember the things you have had with the leaf... protecting underneath against the heat... dancing when a wind of laughter blows... comforting when tears of rain drops...

lose a leaf in time to gain new ones.

be thankful of what you have had... let a leaf fall

life out of a flame

a lighted candle... time where abundance of warm happiness is flowing. silhoutte smiles. melting body rhythms.

an oven... time of celebration. gas of laughter. heated arguments. satisfaction.

a burning house... time of struggle. falling comfort. heated arguments. strengthening a home.

whatever flame to have... it will end in time.
some might leave while burning, but surely that thing and the flame have lighten up a time.

let the course of its nature tell whether to stop, so just let it burn.

lost words

it's hard to say something when you are so overwhelmed.

a time when you want to utter a lot of words because of the good deeds they gave you.

i hope my smile has turned into million sentences to express my appreciation...
i hope my eyes has turned into one of those child's eyes, where you can see the glow, a bit shy, but will let you know how happy he/she is...

those... with lost words.